Hanks, the Dolphin?

The following paragraphs are from the first few pages of Angels and Demons. After reading nothing but classic works of literature for five months, I am reading Dan Brown’s thriller. I was in the mood for some simplistic writing. I wanted a simple book. What a difference there is between Brown’s style and the pedantic writing of some classic books.

I share these paragraphs because they are hilarious, at least to me.  This is Brown’s description of Robert Langdon (the character played by Tom Hanks):

Although not overly handsome in a classical sense, the forty-five-year-old Langdon had what his female colleagues referred to as an “erudite” appeal—wisps of gray in his thick brown hair, probing blue eyes, an arrestingly deep voice, and the strong, carefree smile of a collegiate athlete. A varsity diver in prep school and college, Langdon still had the body of a swimmer, a toned, six-foot physique that he vigilantly maintained with fifty laps a day in the university pool.

            …

Although a tough teacher and strict disciplinarian, Langdon was the first to embrace what he hailed as the “lost art of good clean fun.” He relished recreation with an infectious fanaticism that had earned him a fraternal acceptance among his students. His campus nickname—“The Dolphin”—was a reference both to his affable nature and his legendary ability to dive into a pool and outmaneuver the entire opposing squad in a water polo match.

My first question: Who thought Tom Hanks fit this description? Hanks is aging, portly at some angles, and at no angle does he have a triangular upper body, the hallmark of an avid swimmer.

I don’t know if Dan Brown has any swimming or diving experience, but the two do not go hand in hand. The belief that they do, is often expounded by people who do not have experience with either activity. Divers will tell you that just because their entrances into the water are graceful and smooth, their movements once they are in the water aren’t nearly as efficient. Some collegiate divers can’t swim that much better than any random person you might find walking down your street.

Likewise, swimmers aren’t usually great divers. Although our dives off the starting blocks are finely-tuned, split-second reactions honed by years of practice, that doesn’t mean you can set us up on a 3m board and expect us to dive off, do two flips, a 180-degree twist, and enter the water with not much more than a light disturbance at the surface.

Knowing that, this sentence couldn’t be funnier. “His campus nickname—“The Dolphin”—was a reference both to his affable nature and his legendary ability to dive into a pool and outmaneuver the entire opposing squad in a water polo match.”

That is Hanks for sure.