...With Jean-Claude Van Damme...
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Friday, November 15, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Review: Olympus Has Fallen
Olympus Has Fallen (2013)
Never underestimate Hollywood's ability to get a van load of good to great actors to sign on to action movies with the most ridiculous notions. This movie is just the newest example of this phenomenon, in case you forgot that top-tier actors (Morgan Freeman, for one) are not above making turds like Olympus Has Fallen.
The proper start of the movie is when an AC-130 gunship flies over DC, fends off multiple F-22s (multiple F-22s, I said) and circles around the capital's landmarks, indiscriminately laying down bullets the size of Red Bull cans. Meanwhile, the Secret Service just let a North Korean terrorist into the White House with the belief that he was a native South Korean and a member of a diplomat's security detail. The Secret Service and 60 Minutes must have the same background check team.
In addition to the terrorist inside the White House already, 30-50 North Korean terrorists have sidled up to the perimeter of the White House. On cue, one of them blows himself up and the fence leading onto the White House lawn. The terrorists swoop in and within fifteen minutes the president is hostage and, as far as I could tell, every Secret Service agent is dead, except for Gerard Butler, who plays a former agent turned US Treasury security, turned unofficial Secret Service agent when he starts running up on North Korean terrorists and putting bullets in the back of their heads.
Okay, there is no point in explaining the plot minutiae of such a movie because you already know lots of people are going to die and the film will end with an American triumph. Spoiler alert: it does. But what are all these good actors doing to waste an hour or two of your lives? Well, Morgan Freeman becomes acting president while the prez, played by Aaron Eckhart is far below the White House in a bunker. Angela Bassett, Secret Service Director, is sitting around a table with Freeman and Robert Forster, who plays a four-star general. Melissa Leo, a recent Oscar nominee for The Fighter, is in the bunker with the prez. In one particular scene, which encapsulates the over-the-top cheesiness that just oozes from action flicks like this one, Leo is dragged down a hallway to be executed, presumably, and she starts screaming the Pledge of Allegiance, channeling her inner Oscar nominee and failing, miserably.
A little less improbable than a gang of terrorists armed with semi-autos taking over the White House in 15 minutes, is that Gerard Butler single-handedly kills the entire North Korean crew, saves the president's son midway through, falls through two floors of the White House, shrugs it off, and saves the president. Also, a little less probable than a gang of terrorists armed with semi-autos taking over the White House in 15 minutes, is that there is a computer system in the White House bunker that enables the administrator (the president) to blow up every nuclear missile under US command with the click of a button. Luckily, Butler arrives at the computer terminal with 30 seconds before the US becomes a giant mass of radioactive goo. He gets the deactivation code from Freeman and supporting conference table cast and enters it with three seconds to spare.
If you are truly invested in Olympus Has Fallen at this point, you might let out a sigh of relief. If you see right through it, you are probably double-checking the length of the movie to see just how many minutes of your life you cannot get back.
Never underestimate Hollywood's ability to get a van load of good to great actors to sign on to action movies with the most ridiculous notions. This movie is just the newest example of this phenomenon, in case you forgot that top-tier actors (Morgan Freeman, for one) are not above making turds like Olympus Has Fallen.
The proper start of the movie is when an AC-130 gunship flies over DC, fends off multiple F-22s (multiple F-22s, I said) and circles around the capital's landmarks, indiscriminately laying down bullets the size of Red Bull cans. Meanwhile, the Secret Service just let a North Korean terrorist into the White House with the belief that he was a native South Korean and a member of a diplomat's security detail. The Secret Service and 60 Minutes must have the same background check team.
In addition to the terrorist inside the White House already, 30-50 North Korean terrorists have sidled up to the perimeter of the White House. On cue, one of them blows himself up and the fence leading onto the White House lawn. The terrorists swoop in and within fifteen minutes the president is hostage and, as far as I could tell, every Secret Service agent is dead, except for Gerard Butler, who plays a former agent turned US Treasury security, turned unofficial Secret Service agent when he starts running up on North Korean terrorists and putting bullets in the back of their heads.
Okay, there is no point in explaining the plot minutiae of such a movie because you already know lots of people are going to die and the film will end with an American triumph. Spoiler alert: it does. But what are all these good actors doing to waste an hour or two of your lives? Well, Morgan Freeman becomes acting president while the prez, played by Aaron Eckhart is far below the White House in a bunker. Angela Bassett, Secret Service Director, is sitting around a table with Freeman and Robert Forster, who plays a four-star general. Melissa Leo, a recent Oscar nominee for The Fighter, is in the bunker with the prez. In one particular scene, which encapsulates the over-the-top cheesiness that just oozes from action flicks like this one, Leo is dragged down a hallway to be executed, presumably, and she starts screaming the Pledge of Allegiance, channeling her inner Oscar nominee and failing, miserably.
A little less improbable than a gang of terrorists armed with semi-autos taking over the White House in 15 minutes, is that Gerard Butler single-handedly kills the entire North Korean crew, saves the president's son midway through, falls through two floors of the White House, shrugs it off, and saves the president. Also, a little less probable than a gang of terrorists armed with semi-autos taking over the White House in 15 minutes, is that there is a computer system in the White House bunker that enables the administrator (the president) to blow up every nuclear missile under US command with the click of a button. Luckily, Butler arrives at the computer terminal with 30 seconds before the US becomes a giant mass of radioactive goo. He gets the deactivation code from Freeman and supporting conference table cast and enters it with three seconds to spare.
If you are truly invested in Olympus Has Fallen at this point, you might let out a sigh of relief. If you see right through it, you are probably double-checking the length of the movie to see just how many minutes of your life you cannot get back.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Must Watch
Maybe in the last week or two you saw the video of the girl who is "twerking" and falls over and catches on fire. TV stations (local and nationwide) shared the video as a viral YouTube clip and news anchors said there were implications for twerking, meaning that this video showed it was a dangerous form of dance. Well, Jimmy Kimmel featured the now famous dancer on his show last night. Watch.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Bromance
I watched this from bed last night and I could not stop laughing out loud for a good minute.
The Most Interesting Main In The World on Bromance...
The Most Interesting Main In The World on Bromance...
Friday, February 01, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Parenthood
Kate and I have been watching NBC's Parenthood pretty much from the start (it just finished its fourth season) and it is easily one of the best written shows on basic cable.
Turn on the TV at any moment of the day and it is particularly hard to find a decent man or woman on television. Typically, they are cheating, lying bastards who can't remain faithful to their family and, if they do, they are secretly brewing meth and killing lots of people on the side...see Breaking Bad. No doubt, those shows are entertaining to an extent, but Parenthood deals with a side of life that only the most patient and talented writer can tease out, reality.
The writers of Parenthood haven't forgotten that we all have our weaknesses and flaws but they have wisely avoided the temptation to magnify those flaws by giving every character an egregious downfall. Too many writers fall victim to this temptation and they do so because they think, ironically so, that they are being creative. But let's face it, most people don't decide to cook meth when they face a financial emergency. Most people get two jobs or make a crazy, but legal, decision to invest in a recording studio with their younger brother, to take an example from a real Parenthood episode. This thinking is at the heart of Parenthood and it is what has produced, at least for me, a reserve of genuine characters and conflicts that give me feelings of hope, despair, joy, anger, laughter, and, most importantly, what I see as a pretty accurate cross-section of life for a mixed middle-class, upper middle-class family experiencing the growing pains of life.
Turn on the TV at any moment of the day and it is particularly hard to find a decent man or woman on television. Typically, they are cheating, lying bastards who can't remain faithful to their family and, if they do, they are secretly brewing meth and killing lots of people on the side...see Breaking Bad. No doubt, those shows are entertaining to an extent, but Parenthood deals with a side of life that only the most patient and talented writer can tease out, reality.
The writers of Parenthood haven't forgotten that we all have our weaknesses and flaws but they have wisely avoided the temptation to magnify those flaws by giving every character an egregious downfall. Too many writers fall victim to this temptation and they do so because they think, ironically so, that they are being creative. But let's face it, most people don't decide to cook meth when they face a financial emergency. Most people get two jobs or make a crazy, but legal, decision to invest in a recording studio with their younger brother, to take an example from a real Parenthood episode. This thinking is at the heart of Parenthood and it is what has produced, at least for me, a reserve of genuine characters and conflicts that give me feelings of hope, despair, joy, anger, laughter, and, most importantly, what I see as a pretty accurate cross-section of life for a mixed middle-class, upper middle-class family experiencing the growing pains of life.
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Making Fun of Instagrammers
CollegeHumor made a music video making fun of Instagrammers and their pretty horrible pictures. Disclaimer, I use Instagram and I've definitely shared a shot of a sunset or two, but for the most part, I think CollegeHumor gets it right with this video. Most of Instagram shots are crap or depressingly narcissistic. Follow the link below and watch the video.
Making fun of Instagrammers.
Making fun of Instagrammers.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Do Not Miss This...Hilarious
Do you want to lighten up your day and have a laugh at the expense of everyone in the race this election day? Then don't miss The Onion's live updates on Election 2012.
My favorites so far:
My favorites so far:
Paul Ryan Spending Final Day Of Campaign Reminding Homeless People They Did This To Themselves
Poll Workers Overhear Biden Repeating Phrase 'Banged Her' While Reading Names On BallotAmazing!
Friday, June 08, 2012
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
And The UK, Including England
Ron Burgundy is back. Even the announcement of the movie is freaking hilarious.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Huckabee Fail
Remember when some people were saying Jon Stewart wasn't going to be as funny and witty because Bush was leaving the White House?
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| The Not Running Man | ||||
| ||||
Monday, February 14, 2011
Made My Day
When I was leaving work last week I pulled in behind a car with a bumper sticker on it. I read it and then started scrambling around for a pen and paper. I got my pen and I found an old receipt from Target and I wrote it down. The message stung a little, but damn, I haven’t read something so honest on a bumper sticker in a very long time.
“Show me someone with a deep loathing for all mankind and I’ll show you someone who works in retail.”
Brilliant.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Not Offended by Ricky Gervais
By the end of The Golden Globes Sunday night, you had a good sense of the animosity being directed at Ricky Gervais for his barbs and witty commentary that made fun of nearly all the stars there. Celebrities were attempting to make sly comebacks to Gervais’ one-liners, but they were failing miserably. A couple examples: 1) Gervais mocked Philip Berk, President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, by saying, “I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in.” Berk came out and fired back, “Next time you want me to help you qualify your movie, go to another guy.” 2) Before introducing Tom Hanks and Tim Allen, Gervais ran down a lengthy list of award-winning movies Hanks has starred in and then continued, “the other presenter is Tim Allen.” Hanks and Allen fired back.
Hanks: We can recall back when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby but very kind comedian.
Allen: Neither of which he is now.
The celebs’ comebacks weren’t funny, it’s the fact that they were seriously offended which made it funny. Why was Allen offended? Next to Hanks, Allen may as well do commercials. The celebs didn’t get the irony in attempting to send a barb back. News flash: you are paid actors, not paid comedians and Ricky Gervais is a paid comedian. What do you expect? For him to be kind? These shows need a comedian to make the night entertaining, to lighten the mood, to mock the one of many shows Hollywood puts on for themselves to celebrate their achievements and greatness.
This just in: Celebs, you aren’t funny. Gervais is. You’re easy to make fun of, especially when you make crappy movies. Get over it.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Monday, November 08, 2010
Don't Forget
Conan O'Brien returns to television tonight on TBS. Locally, he's on at 9pm. I'm looking forward to it. Follow TeamCoco here.
Monday, November 01, 2010
November 2, 2010
For the short blog below I am borrowing from a hilarious sign from the Rally to Restore Sanity. The sign refers to John Boehner, Republican House Minority Leader who could likely become Speaker of the House with a Republican wave tomorrow. So, here's my message...
Tomorrow...Don't Let Fear Give You A Boehner.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Up in Smoke
I live next door to the Colorado Department of Health building. It is an ugly, 12-floor structure, a perfectly hideous building to be used by the government. And that's about it. There is nothing special about the building besides its daily example of irony, the omnipresent group of employees huddling around outside to get their smoke on. Even in the gusts this morning as a storm moved through Denver, they were circled up getting their dose. I chuckled.
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