The Quarter Life: Romantic Relationships

Round Two of The Quarter Life is here. If you're new to this blog since we started The Quarter Life, I suggest checking out Aaron's first post and mine to see what it is that we're doing up in here.


It is April 6, 2007. I am 78 days out from my wedding. My fiancée and I will be moving to Milwaukee after our honeymoon in July. She is one month away from being a pharmacist. I work at Starbucks. I don’t know what I am going to do in Milwaukee, and I don’t care too much because I am moving there with the person on this earth that I love the most. We have been criticized for having a faith that convinces us that God will provide and that we will remain a strong, cohesive, faithful, and loving married couple despite our inability to foresee any emergency, financial predicament, and catastrophic event in the future.

I don’t know about emergencies. I don’t know what I will do when they find me. And, in a way, I don’t care. It isn’t in my interest to live a safe, comfortable life. Lots of people want Kate and me to live that way—safe and comfortably, but we aren’t going to trade our dreams and future together for a safer timeline and a more comfortable marriage. The truth is, when it comes to marriage, there is no safe timeline and there isn’t a comfortable, worry-free marriage. I know some of those reading right now are followers of Jesus. You must know then, that following Jesus isn’t safe, comfortable, and worry-free, but you know it is the best, and that is why you live the way you do. Once we commit ourselves to Jesus, Jesus wants to commit us to others, work, and services; all with the hope that we will spread the good news.

Why do I think there is no safe timeline for marriage, and why do I think marriage isn’t going to be a walk in the park? I think this because I want it to mirror much of my relationship with Jesus. I don’t want to carryover my mistakes, from my personal walk with Jesus, to married life, but I want us to love one another like Jesus loves us. Trying to do this even throughout my engagement to Kate hasn’t been easy. Often, we have failed to trust and love each other in the way Jesus trusts and loves us. We haven’t broken under the pressure to give up though, and in the last two months we have taken big steps in understanding the marriage that God is calling us into.

It is comforting going into a marriage knowing how my relationship with Jesus has blessed my life, but I am learning that in order for Jesus to also bless my marriage with Kate, I am going to have to be unselfish, loving, and forgiving on all new, elevated levels. Naturally, I want to spend the rest of my life with Kate, but becoming aware of the new demands that will be put upon me can be incredibly intimidating at times.

By the logic of many, getting married is too much of a risk. Watch a movie or television and you might think it is impossible to be married without having an affair. Sexual promiscuity and adultery are not only easy to find in the media; they are at times, sold to us as the new school, as if to say commitment is the old school. I wish that weren’t true, but since it is, the Christian romantic relationship and the Christian marriage can potentially be stronger testaments to Jesus’ influence in our lives. However, this means the Christian romantic relationship and marriage is subject to closer examination and criticisms. There is more pressure on us to follow Jesus’ commands and to love the way Jesus did. While trying to do so, it is hard to not be on a moral pedestal; that is, to think in my head that my relationship with Kate and our coming marriage is morally superior to others simply because we love Jesus. Instead, I like to think of our romantic relationship as morally inferior to others. It is irrelevant if this is true, but I think this mentality helps to keep humility in my approach to any romantic relationship or marriage. A humble approach helps Christians to not discredit a relationship or marriage if it isn’t Christian. I, and I am sure many others, judge too quickly the secular relationship. Any evidence of our doing so, will further us from God’s people, and the ministering Jesus speaks of us doing will no longer be possible. We should not judge, and instead, approach all relationships with love, compassion, and humility.

On the flipside of this, we have the Christian approach to other Christian relationships. Hold on, I need to say this first: I hate using this word Christian because it carries so many stereotypes, unrealistic expectations, and it has a lofty tone to it. With that said, as Kate and I begin our journey as a married couple, I hope we don’t assume a Christian relationship is right just because it has been labeled as a Christian relationship. I also hope that Kate and I will not be given the benefit of the doubt because we are in a Christian marriage. The ministering that can be done inside the community of believers is huge and it is vital that we don’t forget about that “Christian” marriage right next to us that might be rotting from the inside out.

In closing, I don’t know what to say for a conclusion. This could have gone many ways. I tried not to do a history lesson of my romantic relationships leading up to Kate. Instead, I tried to focus on where I am at right now, recent thoughts, and a little about the future with Kate and Jesus and what that means to me…everything.