Thursday, April 28, 2005

Collaboration Embarrassment

Final projects in my creative writing class are collaborations with composers. The writer and composer talked about what they wanted to produce. The writer would be sent away to come up with a story, song, poem, etc. Once the writing is done, the composers wrote the music. Final projects are being presented this Saturday. However, there was a dress rehearsal first.

So, last night I was sitting in the front row of the concert hall. The first perfomance was by a writer who wrote a song that she will sing on stage with the piano music her composer wrote for her. I sat there in such anticipation that I harbored her embarrassment within me. It was such a weird feeling. She started to sing and I couldn't even look at her. I feared her screwing up possibly more than she did herself.

Anyway, her piece turned out great and I am excited to see her performance, but it got me thinking. Where else do I have this feeling? In Church. Sitting in a pew I am more nervous for the people singing than anywhere else. This nervousness wouldn't be there if I hadn't seen genuinely bad performances in church before. I have two conclusions about this feeling. First, I shouldn't even worry about something going wrong up on stage. I should be happy that people are brave enough to use what gifts they have to express themselves, and to worship God. Second, I shouldn't have to worry about people up on stage singing and not being good. I know these two points contradict each other, but not everything I say makes sense. What can I say? I'm human.

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