The Great Divorce

I recently spoke to a friend. He has observed unhappiness in a friend of his. He told me a little bit about this person. What he was telling me sounded pretty familiar. I hung up and wrote this.

You see those hints of unhappiness; those are the ripples of a better man reaching out to his mannerisms. They are the visible consequences of denying the richer life that the man recognizes in his soul, but regularly denies. Underneath that toughened shell there is a man that wants to make things better. Somehow this man knows there is a higher calling, and yet he does not make the necessary changes in his life. He knows his life is a lot of fun. It probably is, but the high from this kind of life doesn’t last long. That self realization comes to the surface in many ways, but for him it has numbed the pleasure he once had been acquiring from this life.

So why doesn’t he change things? These feelings rot him from the inside out and eventually convince him that he is not strong enough to make those changes. He says things like, “There will always be a stronger and better men. I guess I am not one of those people.” As he says that to himself he feels the sting of the lie. He knows he could be that better version of himself in that parallel universe in his head. He knows that it is not really him saying, “I guess I am not one of those people.” That idea comes from the attachment of our superficial selves to this materialistic world that wants us to touch and try everything.

After this goes on for a while man starts to think about his future. He agrees that things are not as good for him today as they could be. The future is when he will change. This becomes his mantra. He will say this again and again over the years. By saying this he feels better about himself because he at least recognizes things could be better. This temporarily alleviates the effects of his poisonous lifestyle. After this medicine tapers off the man is back to thinking about what his life would be like had he made the right decision a year ago, a month ago, or yesterday. The things that originally brought him something disguised as happiness have convinced him that his life is lacking fun, spontaneity, and excitement. The man begins to indulge in things that he never thought he would indulge in. His new found pleasures induce in him even more guilt, but they also work to convince him that he will never be able to change.

Someone can come along into the man’s life and show him that achieving that higher calling is not as hard as it looks. The man becomes convinced this is doable. He also wisely observes that this better man is not without flaw like he once perceived him to be; this error in judgment contributed to his thinking that he could never be that man. He recognizes now that no life is without flaw. His dirty and scarred body is a welcome guest on that higher road. The higher road delights in taking on dirty subjects; it delights in cleaning them up.

The man is now at a critical stage in his life. He stands before a mirror and sees two selves. As always he reaches for the better man, but before he was coming up short. Now, he is able to grab a hold of that man he always wanted to be. It isn’t much, maybe he has got a hold of a shirt sleeve or hand, but it is a lot more than he has grasped before. He is brought to tears by the path he sees in front of him now, and he is humbled when he discovers the path was always there. His friend is happily anticipating the man to take the next step. His friend can only show him the door, the man has to walk through it. Before his friend can see the man take the first step he is called away. The man suddenly finds himself alone. He turns around and looks at where he came from. He returns to the new path. He is afraid to follow it because he doesn’t want to be alone. What he doesn’t realize is that thousands wait for him on the other side. They are ready to spring forth and celebrate with the man in his decision to take the higher road. This isn’t a trick played by those on the other side. It is free will.

The man hears people calling his name from behind him—old friends and old pleasures. Old is irrelevant when these friends and pleasures are easily acquired. These things take no work. The man is unemployed, but with a seemingly deep pool of resources in front of him. The man turns away from the new and walks toward the old. What the man doesn’t see until he returns to this life is that the pool only appears to be deep, but in fact it is shallow. When the man reaches the threshold again he will only cross to the other side by himself when he still remembers the shallow, but enticing pool, behind him. However, not all men make it back to the threshold for a second look around.

Thanks to C.S. Lewis for the title of this blog.