Thursday, April 14, 2011

Please run, Don.

I really, really want Donald Trump to run for president. I can’t think of a more entertaining candidacy, or a more embarrassing one for America. Things can’t get more embarrassing than Sarah Palin being a Vice Presidential nominee. A Trump candidacy would just maintain the norm of having an ignorant moron run for at least half of the Republican ticket.

Could you imagine Trump in a debate? Laughable, it would be if he were debating other Republicans. And if he were debating Obama? Well, it would be like Obama in a Battle Royal against 40 Trumps. One at a time or all at once, Obama would walk all over him. Proverbial powerbomb here, choke slam there, and then a clothesline. And the wrestling metaphor is not that far off, Trump has a close relationship with WWE Chairman Vince McMahon. Trump has his own theme song and participated in a hair vs. hair match, after which he got to shave McMahon’s hair. I’m not making this up and neither is Wikipedia.

Not to be overlooked by fiscally conservative Republicans, is Trump’s rollercoaster ride of financial problems and resurgences. According to Wikipedia, we are currently in a Trump resurgence, but their have been low points, like Trump’s personal debt of $900 million and business debt of $3.5 billion in the early 1990s. But it seems Trump takes offense at anyone low-balling his net worth. Author Timothy O’Brien estimated that worth to be at most $250 million. This pissed Trump off, who sued O’Brien for libel because, according to Trump, he is worth much, much more, like $5.75 billion more. The case was dismissed, but I am sure Trump would argue that the taxpayer’s money spent on handling this very important case was a very good investment for the American people.

Most of Trump’s recent TV appearances have included discussion about his own investigative team looking into the legitimacy of Obama’s U.S. citizenship. That’s right, the leading candidate in some pre-preliminary polling of Republicans is a birther. This is the defining characteristic of Trump’s flirting with presidential candidacy. This will be the defining characteristic of a Trump candidacy. That is, it will be if we can momentarily avert our gaze of wonderment at his hair and pay attention to the drivel coming out of this dumb, dumb man’s mouth.

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