The Long Peace

I posted several times yesterday over at IR From Afar. The longer post is about the "long peace" we are experiencing at the moment. The long peace refers to the 68 years that have passed since the last hot war between world powers. The post is adapted from a paper I wrote last year. In the paper, we had to answer the question, do you think the so-called long peace will last? Why or why not? 

As much as I would have liked to answer yes, my gut instinct tells me the peace will eventually broken. Some scholars believe it truly is here to stay, that any conflict between great powers is going to be cold from here on out. I wish I had that much faith in humanity.

My attempt at an answer can be found here.

Pursue Happiness, But Kindness Most of All

The UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon spoke at my commencement ceremony. It was fun to see such a high profile figure, who is intensely involved in global affairs, give a talk to the many graduates of the international studies program I was in, but I would have much preferred to hear a different address, one from George Saunders. He gave it at Syracuse this year. It is a remarkable take on the typical staid commencement address. Here is an excerpt, but you can read the rest at the link below:

Do all the other things, the ambitious things – travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) – but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.  Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial.  That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality – your soul, if you will – is as bright and shining as any that has ever been.  Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Teresa’s.  Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place.  Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.

The rest of the speech. Hat tip to my mom, who sent this my way today.

Analyzing Egypt through a Western Lens

One of the best DU professors I took classes from has an op-ed about Egypt's coup, which has been widely celebrated by some Westerners even though it sets an extremely dangerous precedent for democracy development in the Middle East. I recommend reading the whole piece in the Christian Science Monitor. Money quotes below:

The modernization experience of the Arab-Islamic world has been qualitatively different from the Western one. For complex reasons rooted in the failures of the post-colonial state, modernization has produced strong religious-based opposition movements and weak secular groups in deeply polarized societies....As many had predicted, the Brotherhood’s first attempt at exercising power highlighted its incompetence. Morsi made one bad decision after another and his party’s popularity plummeted. The Brotherhood was headed for certain defeat in the coming parliamentary elections. This would likely have led to a period of soul-searching and internal debate. A more inclusive and moderate offshoot might have emerged. Now, we will never know....What Western liberals fail to appreciate is that integrating Islamists into formal politics is an essential part of the struggle for democracy in the Arab-Islamic world. The prospects of this happening have now been dealt a serious blow. The lesson that Islamists will learn is that respecting the rules of democracy do not matter, because when they win elections, their opponents do not respect the same rules. It is now likely that a process of radicalization will poison the politics of Egypt and the broader Islamic world for years to come.

Post-Grad Post

You know, I started this post with a little background information, but then I just reread this post from March 2011 when I got into grad school:

A writer’s ego is a very fragile thing. Sharing about the rejections over and over again, I felt like I was announcing through a large megaphone from the top of the world, “My writing sucks and no one likes it.” It’s hard to describe how that shattered my motivation and made me dislike—even hate—things completely unrelated to my attempt at getting into grad school.

I decided to stop with the background information after reading that. It is a painful story still and more painful that I occasionally dream about what it would have been like last week to walk across a stage and receive my MFA. But I did not. I received my MA in International Studies and spent the majority of my time at DU studying international security, the Middle East, and political theory. Apparently, I did pretty well at that. Grad school taught me a lot of things. A resounding lesson, for me, is that I can excel at something that is not my first, second, or even third passion. I can excel at something that I never thought I would excel at.

There is not much I have to say here. I loved my time at DU. I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but it just wasn’t an MFA program in writing. I kept telling myself over the last two years that I was at DU for a reason and that things will pan out, that this will all be worth it. That has yet to happen, so I’m still praying that it does. 

An Incomplete Summary of 2012

I found a nice corner of a coffee shop a few days ago and wrote out a summary of 2012. Month by month, I put down what came to mind without the help of pictures or a calendar. Here is some of what I have.

January

Despite having a 6-week break between fall quarter and winter quarter I did not feel ready or excited to return to graduate classes at DU. Maybe it was the 26-27 books I had to read in the first ten weeks of the year. Maybe it was the realization, once again, that Korbel isn't an MFA program and thus, not where I truly wanted to end up. Or maybe it was the unease I have about going through all of this, accruing debt, and the inability to see how this is going to pay off. 

I remember ringing in the new year with my parents and having dinner at Bistro Vendome on NYE. We walked Larimer Square after dinner. It was around 20 degrees outside. We marveled at all the hoes lined up to get into clubs. Many were in mini-skirts and low-cut shirts, which conflicted with the sub-freezing temperature outside, but aided in what has become the goal of NYE for so many. Get dressed up. Go out. Get drunk. Meet someone. Go home and have sex with them. One can't be blamed for disliking much about NYE. 

February

I began the last year of my 20s. There was a joint birthday party in Fort Collins at my grandparent's house. My mom and my aunts were there. It was a good time. I missed my dad. 

March

We went to Kauai with Kate's parents. The trip provided so many moments that will be with me for a long time, but a few of them will be with me forever. One of the them was getting to Kauai ahead of the in-laws and exploring some of the island and our hotel with Kate. We took pictures of a beautiful sunset, had appetizers and drinks at the hotel bar and even had a nap before we had to go back to the airport to pick up her parents. 

I'll never forget snorkeling there even though it wasn't a great time to snorkel on the south shore. I dove down deep enough under the frothy surface and I kicked fast with fins directly toward the largest fish I saw. I surprised him and he bolted away and his tail made a noise that I could clearly hear. I didn't expect that. It was like a short burst of gunfire under water. I floated right there for a few seconds in silence watching the fish disappear into the murky distance. 

There was also a memorable attempt at boogie boarding at Brennecke's Beach, or break-neck beach. The waves here form very quickly, they are steep, and they dump you in shallow water. It's a horrible wave to ride. We tried a couple times, but I'm glad we stopped. One wave managed to take both Kate and I out. But before leaving a sea turtle popped up between Kate and I. It was just out of arm's reach. Kate's face was classic, scared, and proof of what was on her mind, "What the hell do we do now?"

April 

We drove to Farmington for Easter. My parents were overjoyed and we were too to see them and to have beautiful weather for the drive there and back. 

May

We went to Cincinnati for the first time. We were celebrating my college roommate's wedding. Cinci was pretty cool, which was surprising. However, I would never want to move to Ohio. I just couldn't do it. It's flat and boring for the most part. The summer air is sticky. Lots of fat people too.

Another couple of good friends were married this month too. I went to a bachelor party in Boulder. A shot of whiskey, bike rides into Boulder, Mountain Sun food and beer, and there were awkward moments in a shady basement club with a bunch of undergrads listening to Tom's story about how I was in the Olympics, but lesser known because Michael Phelps was a teammate. Then there was almost a scuffle with some very drunk people on Pearl St and a 3am bike ride back to north Boulder and a hard floor to call mine for the night. 

June

I finished my first year at DU. I spent way too much time planning our August vacation, but luckily, I made all the best choices. 

Kate and I celebrated five years of marriage with a dinner at Salt in Boulder. We found it underwhelming, but still good in some ways. It just didn't meet the reputation that precedes it.

It was a very hot month. The A/C went out twice. 

July

My DVR was getting overworked by recording 10-16 hours of Olympic coverage a day. I remained glued to the television for most of two weeks and reveled in Michael Phelps' performance, which started off a little rough, but by the end he had proven to the doubters that he still was the best swimmer in the world and certainly the most capable when it comes to performing on the world's greatest stage. 

August

I've written about our big trip elsewhere, but here's a little more about it. 

London: hot, muggy, crowded, expensive, tough to sift through all the thousands of restaurants to find a great one, but damn, I still love this city more than any other. 

Train ride: first class; I already had breakfast when we boarded, but I didn't know we were served breakfast on first class so I had another breakfast and the alcoholic beverages were on the house for the next four hours; leg room; cruising by the North Atlantic; Instagramming while on the train going 100+ mph.

Edinburgh: crowded, cool, damp, expensive, funny, but so awesome and old. Great dinner at the Dome. One great comedian. One not-so-great comedian. 

The Highlands: Stressful driving for both of us, but Kate did a great job, unbelievable mountains, glens, waterfalls, midges, dunking my head in a creek, watching Kate enjoy Scotland, the meals at the Lovat, Loch Ness, Balmuirfield House (our first B&B), the drive into Edinburgh, St. Andrew's golf course tour, and the sense of accomplishment and safety after turning in our rental car. 

London again: cooler this time around, Apex Temple Court (amazing hotel), lots of walking, and almost, in a way, getting a little tired of touristy London in the summer, chocolates from Selfridges, and a fitting service at St. Paul's and a great last dinner of dim sum at Ping Pong near the Jubilee bridge on the south side, and the priceless real food market in the same area. 

September

DU starts up again. Senioritis. SecDef...sucking. I'm not a social scientist. 

One bad football game in Laramie. Cowboys sucked again. But great company. 

A surprise trip to Vegas to meet Guy and Liron at the Venetian. We had a great time, but we both wanted one more night there. 

October

Kate interviews for a new job and gets it. 

I continued to slog through the fall quarter, feeling uninspired and bored by most of what I am studying. The Islamic political thought course is by far my favorite class of the quarter. 

November

Kate starts her new job. I finally finish the quarter at DU, getting three A-s, my worst quarter at DU so far. 

My parents come to Denver for a good long visit over Thanksgiving. Van Gogh exhibit. Ate a lot. Played Oh Hell quite a bit. Monte was here too. We saw Lincoln. 

And Obama wins again. I jump up from the couch, attempt to do the moonwalk across our wood floor, fail miserably, scream a little bit, peak into our bedroom where Kate is trying to fall asleep and I yell at her (out of joy), go back to the couch, collapse, sigh, one more yell, turned the TV off. 

December

We go to Dublin, California to spend time with my sister, her husband and family. Our niece had her 5th birthday party while we were out there. 

Kate's family is in town for Christmas. We tour Stranahan's. Eat at Sushi Sasa. The guys go to the Bull and Bush. 11pm service at Montview. I was moved in December. 

Kate and I close out the year at home with prime filet mignon, good wine, creamed spinach, and truffle mashed potatoes. It was probably better than any steak we could have ordered here in Denver. I stay up until midnight, but I'm in bed. Nevertheless, I still nudge Kate, sit up in bed, and yell, "Happy New Year!" Then, head to pillow and 2013.

MSNBC, The Lumineers, and Mr. Potato...head?

Here are a few DU Debate Fest pictures from yesterday.

I'm not enforcing stereotypes here, but she was wearing an NRA hat.

Next door to the Romney table.

Mr. Potato Head....wait a minute.

Readying for Obama's arrival.

Secret Service and security taking some pictures before the Debate Fest gates open.

Martin Bashir broadcasting from DU, right in front of the Mary Reed Building.

Chris Matthews

More talking to cameras. I can't be the only one that always thinks of Bashir's interview with Michael Jackson when I see him. It's a classic. Here's the interview.

Let's play hardball!

The Lumineers put on an excellent show. 

A bass drum like the sun.

Mark Koebrich of 9News recording a segment during the Lumineers' concert.

America!

DU Debate Debacle

For almost eight years, this blog has been a place for me to share stories, articulate my opinion, post pictures, post video, and to share what little fiction I have written. Today it serves one of its most important purposes, that is, a place for me to vent my frustrations. The topic: the first presidential debate at the University of Denver (where I currently am in graduate school), happening tomorrow (if you've been living in a hole in the ground). 

When I first heard of DU hosting the debate, I was excited and happy for the university and its students. Now I know the error of my thinking, that the debate is brought to a university to expose the most important people on campus, the students, to a historic moment in the election season is what I thought this was going to be. Having never been on a campus that hosted a presidential debate, I didn't know any better. But a few months ago as signs started to appear all over campus about impending closures, event cancellations/rescheduling, and class cancellation for October 3rd, I began to have my doubts.

Now, one day away from the event, it is clearer than ever that the debate is not, and has never been handled as an event, to benefit the students. Reported this morning on the local news, Magness Arena, in the Richie Center, is going to hold 1000 debate spectators. DU students will occupy approximately 92 of those seats. The students lucky enough to attend were picked in a lottery yesterday morning. All students and 2012 graduates of DU were automatically entered into the lottery. Knowing full well that only a small section of the student body would be able to attend the debate, DU designed an on-campus watch party called Debate Fest. The initial introduction to Debate Fest was an email that called the party a ticketed event available only to DU students, faculty, and those living near the campus in the university hills neighborhood. An email invited people to register and reserve their spot for Debate Fest, where they could enjoy the festivities, feast from Denver's best food trucks, and enjoy a show from The Lumineers, who will play prior to the debate. I, along with hundreds more, registered for the event. Shortly after registration opened, Debate Fest reached capacity. This should not have been surprising to anyone, but it seemed to have surprised DU. 

Yesterday, DU re-opened Debate Fest registration. It once again closed shortly thereafter due to the remaining spots being filled up. Then, last night, DU sent out an email with tips for Debate Fest. Here, I highlight point number three from the email:

3.) Please note that registration does NOT guarantee entrance to DebateFest. The number of people admitted to the event will be limited based on space constraints due to fire laws. We recommend that you arrive early.

What this means is that any student or faculty member or neighborhood resident can show up as early as they want tomorrow and get in line for Debate Fest. The doors open at 3pm and space is now on a first come, first served basis, thus guaranteeing that many of those that did register for the event (read: students) will be denied entrance to their campus and "their" debate. There are many reasons why this is frustrating. To mention one, I am a graduate student. I have reading to do tomorrow. I can't devote my entire morning to standing in line for a party I am not even sure will be a good place to watch the debate from. My plan was to walk over at 3pm, stand in a short line, have my name scratched off a list because I registered for the event, and then walk inside. I am one of many students who planned to do that tomorrow. 

The DU Presidential Debate is for DU administration, big-time DU donors, and the press. It is not for the students, nor is it for the Denver community or undecided voters. By yesterday, campus was crawling with members of the media from all over the world, while fences continued to sprout up everywhere to keep the students away from the most important, high-profile event that will ever happen on their campus. This event is a sham and it is embarrassing how DU has handled it from the start. 

The Power of Propaganda

I was recently visiting with a friend who is smart, wise, successful, and much older than me. We were just starting our day together and as a topic of discussion I shared my class lineup at the University of Denver this fall (I’m an MA candidate at the Josef Korbel School). One of the classes I am taking there this fall is called modern Islamic political thought.

Thinking my friend was about to further the discussion of Islamic political thought I listened intently to the words that came out of my friend’s mouth. “Egypt’s looking for a new Islamic leader. I say let’s give him ours.”

I might have looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a second while I took these words in, realizing my friend truly wasn’t joking. And then I held a private funeral in my head for the intelligent conversation that was clearly not going to happen.

I played dumb. “I don’t get it,” I said. “What do you mean?”

“Well, that’s a political thought,” my friend said.

I was thinking that to call it a political thought is to give it more merit than it’s due. “What’s a political thought?” I asked.

“That we should give Egypt our Muslim leader,” my friend responded.

“Obama is not a Muslim.” I tried to say this as calmly as possible.

“Oh, he’s not?” My friend responded.

“No, he’s not. And for you to call that idea a political thought isn’t right. It’s absolutely garbage.”

My friend looked taken aback. My stare was intense and I could feel my pulse rise as I waited for a response, but there was none. That was the end of our political discussion for the day. But for the rest of the afternoon I thought about our conversation and I was embarrassed over and over again for my friend. That my friend could believe such a lie, such propaganda, was sickening.

It was my first personal experience with someone who has truly been fed a political lie enough times that in their head the lie has found a permanent home as a supposed truth. This particular lie is often presented as a legitimate concern by right-wing media outlets. On Fox News someone might joke about it, but no one is reprimanded for it, no one speaks up and says, “We are better than that.”

Yesterday’s conversation exhibited the power of this propaganda machine. The lie starts with one person and is then adopted by a cabal, whose only interest is their own, whether it be the political downfall of a certain politician or a desire to stay rich, powerful, and barely taxed, or a combination of these. These people are powerful enough to own TV stations, radio networks, whole news organizations, and they use these assets as hugely powerful tools to present myths and rumors as fact while simultaneously hiding the truth from our eyes. (See Roger Ailes and Donald Trump.) Gradually, the lie spreads across the audience, who might have even dismissed it as ridiculous the first time they heard it or read it (I hope my friend did at least that). But the saturation and the never-ceasing tide of money coming from the wealthiest Americans has proved itself strong enough to hold hostage the intellectual and independent-thinking abilities of many Americans. (See the continuing belief by some that Obama isn’t American or that Obama is a Muslim.)

One of the more popular lies among the Right (although, to clarify, it’s not a lie for them) is to compare the Obama administration to that of the Third Reich. Yes, the same propaganda machine that convinced my friend that Obama is a Muslim, would also have you believe Obama harbors a secret agenda of spreading national socialism across America.

Nothing about Obama’s policies has ever evoked, for me, a whisper of Nazi Germany. In fact, it was the conversation with my friend that had me contemplating many a table conversation in 1930s Germany, when it might have been shared by a friend or family member that they had joined the Nazi party to the absolute dismay of anyone at the table who had a brain. I am not calling anyone a Nazi here. If you want to see that, watch a week of Fox News and you’ll see someone hint, at least once, that an Obama policy is strikingly familiar to one of Hitler’s policies. No, I am referencing the power of propaganda. The Nazis certainly mastered it and both the Right and the Left have adopted some of their strategies. But now, at this point in America’s history, I think it’s clear that the Right’s propaganda machine is churning out a lot of lies and doing whatever it takes to shift the mantle of power back to their side by spreading fear and angst that we have a president who is not American, but also a president who is a secretive Muslim who is colluding with Islamic nations across the world in order to favor that religion’s interests.

I am in awe of the propaganda machine and its ability to convince smart people that they most adopt such vacuous ideas. Next time, don’t consume the lies. Instead, try to do the thinking yourself. 

Tomorrow, Hawaii

This picture has been my background for the last week, a little motivator as I wrapped up 60 pages of writing in twelve days. Although the picture was taken in Mexico, it had to do for now because I don't have any pictures of Kauai, but we head there tomorrow morning and I'll soon have hundreds of pictures of the Garden Isle.


There's nothing quite like laying your eyes on a piece of land you've never seen, but one you've heard about all your life. All the colorful descriptions and images dissolve into the reality unfolding before you and they don't matter anymore because you are there. It's definitely one of my favorite things about traveling, especially to a different country, continent, or island.


Tomorrow, Hawaii.

Free December

Although my next quarter doesn’t start until January 3^rd, I just finished ordering the last of its required 28 books. The idea is to get a good chunk of the reading done before week one. That may not happen, but as the books continue to arrive, I’m expecting them to either motivate me or smother me and I’m hoping for the latter.

Having time off has been great so far. I have more energy to devote to swimming (I’m swimming with the masters team at DU), to outdoor pursuits (although not today because it’s 9 degrees outside), and leisure reading (I’m in the middle of the second book of the Millennium series, The Girl Who Played With Fire). However, I have been a little bored from time to time. Urgency is a great motivator.

Last Christmas season, having worked right up to Christmas Eve in a crazy storm of frenzied Apple customers and red shirts, I had a hard time getting into the season because each and every day I saw its very, very ugly side. This season, I’m trying to be more intentional by meditating on the peace that can be found in God and the real meaning of the season (I know that’s cliché, but I don’t care). That also means savoring family traditions of food, gift giving, and making December last as long as possible. I'm looking forward to it.

100 Million Degrees

I have been reading a fairly dense history of U.S. foreign policy over the last two weeks. Ahead of each chapter, there is a quote, which relates to the topic of the chapter, but may not be found within. The lead quote for the chapter on the Pacific front of WWII was powerful. It paints a picture that is impossible to imagine. 

When the first atomic bomb went off, at Alamorgordo, New Mexico, on July 16, 1945, the temperature at Ground Zero was 100 million degrees Fahrenheit, three times hotter than the interior of the sun and ten thousand times the heat on its surface. All life, plant and animal, within a mile radius of Ground Zero simply vanished. General Leslie Groves, director of the Manhattan Project, turned to his deputy and said, "The war's over. One of two of these things and Japan will be finished."
- Gordon Thomas and Max Morgan-Witts, Enola Gay

Iced Coffee

My new best friend in grad school.

Such Foresight

From my reading this weekend, a quote from President Dwight D. Eisenhower's farewell address. He warns of the influence of the military-industrial complex:

The conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence--economic, political, even spiritual--is felt in every city, every statehouse, every office of the federal government...We must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, our resources and livelihood all are involved; so is the very structure of our society. 

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.  

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes.

Eisenhower would be very disappointed with the present-day saturation of our government by the military-industrial complex. Nevertheless, this is an astounding prediction. Thanks for blowing my mind, Dwight.

Maybe not quite The Best American Nonrequired Reading, but close to it.

I am reading some books off the recommended reading list for the graduate program I will be starting in the fall. I finished The Looming Tower last week. Lawrence Wright wrote it and I had started to read it in the fall and was distracted by several things, maybe applying to grad school and taking the GRE, but I finally finished it. It’s a great work of research and an accounting of the United States’ earlier attempts at killing Osama bin Laden. It details bin Laden’s earlier life and his progression from extensive farmer to infamous terrorist.

There are countless passages I would like to share and discuss on here, but I thought one in particular was telling of what knowledge so many of those who wish to attack America lack. It’s astounding how ignorance is such a strong characteristic of both sides of this battle. To give you some context, this was immediately after 9/11 and a 9/11 conspirator (Abu Jandal) was being confronted by an agent (Soufan):

“Abu Jandal was confounded by Soufan and what he represented: a Muslim who could argue religion with him, who was in the FBI, who loved America. He quickly consumed the history that Soufan game him and was shocked to learn of the American Revolution and the passionate struggle against tyranny that was woven into the American heritage. His worldview depended on the assumption that the United States was the wellspring of evil in the world.” – Wright, Lawrence. The Looming Tower : Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11. New York, NY: Alfred A. Knopf, 2006, p. 365.

Sort of Old News

Most of you know this already, but I committed to the University of Denver in April. I’ll be attending the Josef Korbel School of International Studies to get my Master’s in Spring 2013. Sounds pretentious, doesn’t it?

Earlier in April I attended an event at the school for admitted students. It was extremely helpful in making my decision. There were opportunities to talk with current students, professors, alumni, and would-be classmates (most of whom had only applied to Intl. Studies programs). I was the recipient of some very weird looks when I explained what programs I had applied to. Really, none of them are related. International Studies, English Literature, and Journalism are the three. English Lit and Journalism aren’t too distant, but I was struggling through justifying the jump to International Studies to my future classmates. I could see their consternation.

The easiest explanation of the wide variety of programs I applied to is this: I didn’t want to move for grad school. Applying to and attending another Intl. Studies program of DU’s caliber would have inevitably meant a move, most likely to the east coast. That’s precisely where I don’t want to be at this point in my life. Perhaps later, who knows? But not now.

Obviously, I am not going off to get my MFA in the fall. Until I get underway at DU, I will continue to struggle with that truth. Attending DU feels like abandoning my dreams of writing or, at the least, putting a long-term hold on that dream. So, it is with excitement that I think about writing graduate level papers. It won’t be the writing I thought I would be doing in grad school, but the topics will still be of great interest and I will be giving my writing mind and my keyboard loads of exercise.

That makes me happy.

Why I Didn't Tell You

This time around, if things went the same way they did last year, I didn’t want to tell anyone about not getting into grad school, not even my in-laws. I just didn’t want to deal with that public failure again. Last year hurt, a lot. Going into the process, I didn’t think I wouldn’t get in anywhere, but after 4 or 5 rejections, I realized 10 rejections was possible, even likely.

A writer’s ego is a very fragile thing. Sharing about the rejections over and over again, I felt like I was announcing through a large megaphone from the top of the world, “My writing sucks and no one likes it.” It’s hard to describe how that shattered my motivation and made me dislike—even hate—things completely unrelated to my attempt at getting into grad school.

After months of recovery and having to focus my attention elsewhere, it was autumn in Colorado and with a lot of support and guidance I reevaluated grad school and my interests. I chose a few schools to apply to, all of which wouldn’t prevent me from doing some writing, from letting me develop my voice, and share my opinion in some format. Essentially, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to grad school just to go to grad school and because I didn’t get in the first time. So, I committed and vowed to give it another go, telling only my wife, sister, and parents. No one else.

However, doing this again meant dealing with this menace from my past. The GRE. As you may recall, I first took the GRE in April 2009, prepping in advance for my first attempt at grad school. I wrecked my car on the way to that test and was seated for the first part (the essays) less than 40 minutes after a four-car accident on the interstate. I managed to do okay on the test, or at least I convinced myself that the results were good enough, especially given the situation. That held for a while, but for me, applying again meant doing everything better this time around. I signed up to take the test on December 9^th.

Shortly after the New Year, I wrote a brief summary of 2010, mentioning the highs and the lows of each month. For December I mentioned, “I celebrated a private accomplishment.” That accomplishment, improving my score in every category of the GRE, gave me a helpful dose of motivation to finish this round of applications. I did so in the first couple weeks of January. And I did so with no expectations this time around and with no sense that I deserved this. I guess that was more me protecting myself than wholeheartedly believing I truly didn’t deserve to get into grad school.

And last week I opened an email and I didn’t have to worry any more about weathering another round of rejections. I admit to taking a little pleasure in keeping this all a secret until now. It was a storm I was prepared to face privately and now it’s a little piece of success I am happy to share publicly.